Tag Archives: joy

2020: the year of my disgust

Disgust

From the government’s handling of the COVID-19 pandemic and the virus itself to George Floyd’s death and the ongoing Black Lives Matter movement to the country’s rising unemployment/wealth disparity to the lack of concern for global climate change – and everything in between and beyond – 2020 has revealed the role that Disgust plays in my life.

My family was recently discussing Pixar’s “Inside Out” and who exemplified each character emotion the best.

When the discussion got around to me, my husband and 19-year-old daughter, in unison, said Disgust.

What?! Disgust?! My response was apparently even in character.

The first time I watched the movie, I loved Joy. Who doesn’t want to be her? It’s joy, after all! Happiness, delight, well-being, success, good fortune.

I worked for a community newspaper for over 13 years and wrote an occasional column which I titled “That they might have joy.”

I so wanted to be Joy. I always have. That’s the goal in this life, right? Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?

But Disgust? No way! I think I’ve been ashamed of my disgust, or parts of it, for much of my life. Or what I thought it meant. But in the weeks since our family discussion, I have begun to embrace my inner Disgust.

Disgust

In the beginning of the movie, Joy introduces us to the Disgust character: “She basically keeps Riley from being poisoned, physically and socially.”

That sounds like a pretty good thing.

When her parents try to get her to eat broccoli, Disgust heroically sweeps in and knocks the green veggies away.

“I just saved our lives,” she says. “You’re welcome.”

In describing the character, Jill Koss (MS, CCLS at Cook Children’s Health Care System in Fort Worth, TX) writes: “Disgust is impatient, sassy and sarcastic; but she is also honest, well-meaning, caring and protective.” (‘That’s disgusting!’ What ‘Inside Out’ teaches us about disgust, 7/16/15, checkupnewsroom.com/thats-disgusting-what-inside-out-teaches-us–aboutdisgust/).

I love that. I am impatient, sassy and sarcastic. But I’m also honest, well-meaning, caring and protective.

I care. A lot. And because I care so much, in a world that seems to be increasingly troubled, I’m disgusted a lot.

Koss continues: “Disgust in the role of acceptable social behaviors has the potential to be very important. If we teach our children there are certain values that are important, and morals to follow, they have the potential to be offended (disgusted) when behaviors opposite to their values are displayed.”

Research by University of Kent psychologists in 2016 has shown that expressing disgust can be motivated by moral concerns.

“Participants themselves were more likely to choose to express disgust when their goal was to show that their condemnation of an act was morally motivated… The findings suggest that disgust is not just an expression of an inner feeling, like nausea or contamination, but a signal that advertises a moral position.” (Disgust is way of communicating moral rather than self-interested motivation – sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/12/161219133831.htm)

What are some of these issues that I have been “disgusted” about in 2020? There are plenty. Racism, the criminal justice system, the death penalty, LGBTQ+ rights, global climate change, poverty and disproportion of wealth, homelessness, refugees and immigrants, growing unemployment, government leaders, healthcare disparities, mental illness, gender inequality.

It’s not enough to just be disgusted, though. We need to figure out ways to use it to create change. The COVID-19 pandemic has people questioning how we get back to normal. Some have suggested, however, that instead of going back to normal we should move forward to something better. I agree. With so many issues to be disgusted about, let’s work for a better way.

In Inside Out, Disgust incites Anger to help accomplish her purpose – she fuels his anger with her words until he bursts into flames and breaks open the window to save Joy and Sadness.

Disgust

Instead of avoiding or denying or being ashamed of our disgust, let’s embrace and channel it through “honest, well-meaning, caring and protective ways” in an effort to help our communities move forward to something better and ultimately to help save lives.

Then we can all sit back, sassy and sarcastically, and say, “You’re welcome.”

 

 


Sharing a *little* joy to brighten up this crazy winter

Hey, remember me?

It’s been awhile since I’ve written this column. Last August actually.

Sharing a *little* joy to brighten up this crazy winter

I suppose there’s several reasons for that. But it most likely hinges on the fact that my husband was hospitalized at the end of August. And sometimes a long road awaits patients following a hospital stay.

Such has been the case with us.

Since then, I haven’t felt much like writing. And when I do, everything seems a bit disingenuous. I wrote a post on my personal blog about the hospital experience last fall but felt it missed the mark.

During this time period, I’ve also been struggling with feeling much joy. Which is the point of this column after all.

December was pretty rough. I was experiencing feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, guilt, grief. One of the most joyous times of the year and I just wasn’t feeling it.

I enjoyed spending time with family at Christmas and New Year’s. Many great memories made. And lots of laughing.

But it seemed short-lived. I tried a lot of things to get out the funk I was in but the January blues seemed to be getting the best of me.

I started searching for ways to find joy and came across a speech given by Richard G. Scott, “Finding Joy in Life.”

Speaking of the difficulties we face on our journeys, he said: “A pebble held close to the eye appears to be a gigantic obstacle. Cast on the ground, it is seen in perspective.”

I was holding my pebble right up next to my eye. I was focused on myself and my problems and couldn’t see much of anything else.

He continued: “I know of a woman who was joyously happy. Each morning she would ask her Father in Heaven to lead her to someone she could help. That sincere prayer was answered time and again. The burdens of many were eased and their lives brightened.”

So what could I do to help others given my circumstances?

While in the shower one morning – where I get my best ideas – The Little Joy Project came to me.

Using social media for good, I’ve taken nature photos from my travels and added the word “joy” in tiny letters to each one. I scroll through my friends list until a name jumps out at me. Then on their wall, I post the picture along with “just stopping by your wall to leave you a *little* joy.”

It’s small and silly and pretty inconsequential.

But it’s also a spark. A tiny spark of joy (and I’m not talking about Marie Kondo, although I do love her tidying up principles).

All of those little sparks begin to add up to more and more joy. Until one day that pebble seems pretty far away. It’s still there but it’s not quite as overwhelming.

And the response to my little project has been fun, too.

“This is probably one of the best posts on my wall ever! Thanks!”

“Thank you kindly. I needed that today.”

“Love this!”

“Best thing ever!”

“That’s hilarious!”

“Thanks, I needed some joy today!”

I’m not easing anyone’s burdens like the woman who was joyously happy. But I do believe I’m adding a little sunshine.

And with the winter we’ve had, we could all use a little more of that.

By Jacki Wood, That they might have joy column, Nodaway News Leader, 2/28/19

‘Even the darkest night will end’

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By Jacki Wood, “That they might have joy” column for the Nodaway News Leader

My mental health has taken a beating over the last year or so.

I have a physical illness that has really been taking it to me, and as a result, affecting my mental health.

I’ve been battling this physical ailment for half of my life. The beginning years were difficult. The middle years were much more tolerable. And the last couple have been the worst.

What makes it even harder for me is I feel I’ve lived two completely opposite lives. The first very active, athletic, outgoing and involved. Now mostly inactive, reclusive and disinterested. There are times when I really miss that first life.

A couple of summers ago, I wrote about my illness, obesity and weight loss. I said at the time, it was the most important thing I’d ever written.

But this might be even more important than that. Now, just a couple of short years since then, I spend most of my time in bed, I’m overweight again and have slipped back into old habits as I struggle to function each day.

That’s when the mental health beating really reared its head. It’s hard to be productive or stay positive or even feel like a human being when you can’t get out of bed.

(Side note: I’ve tried a lot of different treatments. Some have worked for awhile. Some not at all. I frequently get suggestions from people. In fact, I just started something new. And while I appreciate everyone’s concern, that’s not what I’m seeking with this column).

I’ve wondered why this is the load I am burdened to carry and if I will be carrying it my entire life. I mean, why do some people get cancer and some don’t? And even further, why do some people beat cancer and some receive the same treatment and die?

After spending much of the last year contemplating these types of things and feeling sorry for myself, lonely, sad and even angry, I decided I needed to try something different.

For the month leading up to my 40th birthday this summer, I decided to do a #30DaysOfJoy challenge, looking for simple joys in my life and posting them on Facebook.

It was a mostly positive experience. I made some really great memories this summer despite the illness. And I was reminded how much my family cares about me. They’ve really stepped up and took on more responsibilities. They also listen when I need that and are just there when I don’t want to talk. They love me through my nonsense, negativity and annoyance of everything and everyone.

Some days, though, were a real challenge to find any joy at all. I mean, just getting on Facebook and seeing everyone else’s happy, perfect posts made me want to throw up or throw something at the wall. Even worse, I had some really dark days that I’m frankly embarrassed by. Which is really unfortunate, because when I’m at my best, I realize how blessed I am.

But… I’m not always at my best. I’m not always thinking clearly or logically with this illness.

This is not something most of us feel comfortable talking about. Our mental health, I mean. And yet if we would just have the courage to do so, I think we would be far better off.

After someone dies by suicide, people ask why. I think I understand it more now. They’re worn out, tired, exhausted. They want an end to the pain, the hurting, to whatever the problem is. I don’t think most people want to kill themselves. Or hurt those who care about them by doing so.

They just want it to end.

I’ve been there. Even as I write this, I’m in the throes of it all. I don’t want to die. But there are times when I want an end. I want the pain to end. I want my old life back.

And then I realize my old life didn’t include my husband. Or my children. Or the memories we’ve shared together. Or the experiences I’ve gained over the last 20 years that make me who I am and how I am able to write this.

If you’re there with me, if you are just so very tired of it all, don’t give in, don’t give up, don’t quit. No matter how bad it is, just keep trying, for one more day or for just one more moment even.

Get help. Seek professional help if you need to. Or find an outlet like I have through writing.

Talk to someone. A friend, a family member, someone who will listen or just be there. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1.800.273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org where you can chat online.

If that doesn’t work for you and if you have no one else you can to talk to, contact me.

I will listen.

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I’m not so good at the phone thing, but I text, email and message really well. My email is jackijwood@gmail.com and you can find me on Facebook at facebook.com/jacki.wood.

In Les Misérables, Victor Hugo wrote: “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.”

That’s been true for me. After every single dark night I’ve ever had, the sun has always risen.

    National Suicide Prevention Week is September 7 to 13. To learn how you can help, visit sprc.org.suicide+prevention+lifeline+with+ribbon