Do you have regrets?
I always wanted to be the person who said no to that question. No regrets.
But do I? Probably.
I wish I would’ve done this. Or I probably shouldn’t have done that.
I’m not sure I really even like that question, though, or the idea of it.
Life is a journey, full of ups and downs, good choices and not so good ones.
And that is true when it comes to parenting, especially as our children have gotten into their older teen years.
I guess my husband, Larry, was pondering some of these same things last fall when he decided we were going to implement what he called “Family Time.”
Let me back up a bit and say that family has always been extremely important to us. Since our children were very young, we’ve tried to set aside one night a week for Family Home Evening, a program recommended by our church. We’ve also tried to read scriptures and pray together every day. And we’ve also tried to spend as much time together as possible, supporting them in their activities, getting together with extended family and enjoying family vacations together.
Some of these things have been more successful than others.
In the last couple of years, though, it’s been extremely difficult as our kids started high school and became more involved with things.
Larry was reminded of guidance we once received from the leaders of our church: “We call upon parents to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children. We counsel parents and children to give highest priority to family prayer, gospel study and instruction and wholesome family activities.”
Have we been giving our children our “best efforts?” Not always. We needed to do better.
So what is family time? Ideally, it’s 30 minutes to an hour set aside for praying, reading scriptures, listening to each other without devices distracting us and finding some fun to throw in there like a quick game of charades, or if we have more time, a board game. Or we’ll watch a video on YouTube. Or just let them talk about what’s important to them.
I can’t say Family Time happens every single day. Some days it’s just impossible for all of us to be in one place at the same time and awake. Larry leaves in the morning before everyone is up and goes to sleep sometimes before everyone gets home.
Sometimes it’s only five or ten minutes, long enough to see how everyone’s day was, pray and read a few scriptures.
Sometimes we combine it with dinner. Or we read and eat at the same time.
Sometimes we do it over the phone or use FaceTime.
Sometimes we laugh so much we cry. And sometimes it’s rough, especially when people are moody or tired, and someone leaves the room in anger.
But looking back at the last six months, I feel more connected with my kids than I ever have before.
And more hopeful.
Because when I look around at the world and all the darkness that seems to be growing with each day, I want to make sure I’m doing what I can to help spread more light. And help them do the same.
If we want to see change in the world, we must be the change. And I believe that starts at home.
Dieter F. Uchtdorf said: “We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and by just having fun. We talk with, rather than about, each other. We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities.”
So I’m encouraging you to start your own Family Time, whatever that means to you. It doesn’t have to be like ours. If you’re not religious, that’s okay. Make it your own. Five or ten minutes when they wake up or before they go to bed. Or a phone call or FaceTime every afternoon on your break at work. Whatever works for you and your situation.
But make it a priority. Show them how much you love them by giving of your time, even when you don’t think you have any to spare.
You won’t regret it.